How to resolve parenting conflicts for a healthier marriage

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My husband and I have fallen into a place in our marriage where we are always on edge with each other. From the beginning of our relationship, his career has always had more income potential than mine. Even though I enjoyed my work, staying home with my kids (aged 5 and 2) has been more important. My husband thinks that because the kids are in daycare a few days a week, it should be easy for me to take care of them, manage the errands and household, and have time for myself and him. I’m increasingly frustrated that these are his kids and his home and yet he thinks financially providing is all he needs to do. I want him to put in effort to help me with dinner, bath and bedtime, but he believes he deserves to unwind and take care of his own needs in the evenings. Who’s right?

Signed, Needing A Partner

What to do when mom doesn't approve of girlfriend

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about two years and I think I’m ready to make a deeper commitment. We enjoy our time together, have a lot in common and have a good balance with time spent apart with our careers and individual interests. The only problem is that my mother can’t seem to accept her and approve of our relationship. She says things like, “Are you sure you’re ready to settle down?” and “Do you really think she’s the one?” but I suspect it’s more about the fact that she thinks my girlfriend isn’t good enough for me. She has recently started making subtle comments in front of my girlfriend. I feel really awkward when this happens so I try to just brush it off, but my girlfriend has gotten upset with me for not standing up for her. She says I need to resolve this issue before we move forward with our relationship. I feel stuck between the two most important women in my life. What can I do?

Signed, Rock And A Hard Place

How to parent adult children who moved back home

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I had been enjoying the first year without our kids in the house, as they are both in college out of state. Because of the virus, they’ve both been sent home and now we have a full house once again. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending more time with my kids, but they’ve gotten used to a more “unsupervised” lifestyle at college so my wife and I feel more like residence hall assistants than parents. We’ve also lost our privacy, which our kids don’t understand. My wife seems to be more accepting of the situation and I feel like I’m the odd man out. How do we stand firm together without creating an unmanageable situation?

Signed, Empty Nester No More

Is conflict with fiancé's kids a dealbreaker?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I’ve recently gotten engaged to the love of my life and can’t wait to officially begin a new life with him. There is one issue that’s giving me cold feet—the two boys from his previous marriage. I’ve tried so hard to have them accept me, not as a replacement for their mother, but as someone who’s important to their dad. No matter what I do, they are rude and sarcastic to me and make me feel like I have no business being part of their family. I am kind, supportive, forgiving and understanding but I get none of that in return. My fiancée understands what I’m going through but is reluctant to step in and defend me when it’s obvious they’ve crossed the line. Is this a big enough reason to put off the wedding or should I keep trying to integrate into their lives?

Signed, Cold Feet

Not sure I'm ready for kids, but feeling pressured to be.

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My wife and I are in our early 30s and everyone thinks we should be working on getting pregnant except for me. Our parents are constantly bringing up how much they want grandbabies, and starting to scare my wife about “waiting too long.” She has recently said she’s ready to start trying, but as much as I love her, I’m not sure she’s ready to be a mom. She loves her freedom of coming and going, staying out at night and sleeping in late, and hates doing housework. I’m worried if we have a kid, all the responsibility will fall on me. She says she’ll change when we get pregnant, but I’m not so sure. How do I get everyone to slow down?

Signed, Not Ready to be a Dad

How to decide whether to have kids

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I have been married for two years and we both expressed ambivalence about having kids when we met and throughout our relationship. For the past several months, my wife has been dropping hints that she’s getting close to moving past her “prime childbearing years” and if we are ever going to have kids, we need to do it soon. I’m surprised by her shift but want to be supportive. I didn’t think I ever wanted kids, but maybe now it’s a compromise I could make. Any suggestions?

Signed, Not Sure About Kids

It's Not About The Cookies: When parenting conflicts pull couples apart

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I had a great marriage for the first few years. We both wanted children and are blessed with three beautiful kids. They are our world and we are dedicated to being great parents. After our youngest was born, we had a few unforeseen financial issues arise, which have caused both of us to need to work full time. Over the last few years our marriage has increasingly suffered. We have almost no time for just the two of us, and we’re constantly snapping at each other over how to raise the kids. A therapist we saw said we needed to commit to a regular date night, but we really don’t have the time or money, and the idea has just added more stress. Is there anything else we can do, or do we just have to wait it out until the kids are more self-sufficient?

Signed, Missing My Wife

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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