Boyfriend pursued me then stopped putting in any effort

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend and I met a year ago through mutual friends. I wasn’t interested in dating anyone at the time, but he put an incredible amount of effort into convincing me to give him a chance. He sent me cute little gifts, surprised me at work with lunch, and talked about the places he’d like to take me. I caved and eventually agreed to date him. The first few months together were exactly what he promised; romantic dates, thoughtful surprises, and fun adventures. The energy he was putting into us really inspired me to bring my best self as well. But after I became invested in the relationship things started to shift. He gradually got less romantic, and now the tables have turned so I’m the one that is always having to plan things. For months he hasn’t been the romantic guy he sold himself as. What do I do?

Signed, He’s Phoning It In

Are you single because you're too picky?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My friends recently set me up with a guy and we went on a date a few weeks ago. He’s nice and seems to have his life put together, but I’m not really interested in him. I could tell that he was into me and said he wanted to go out again, but I didn’t feel the same chemistry. My friends think I’m crazy for not wanting to see him again and it’s gotten more complicated because they’ve started inviting him to hang out with our group. It’s becoming awkward because he keeps hitting on me. How do I get out of this gracefully?

Signed, Not Into Him

When to end an on-again-off-again relationship

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I’m in my late 20’s and have been with my partner for 4 years. Twice in the last year we’ve broken up and gotten back together. Each time we decide to try again, it’s good for a few months, then one or both of us starts to question if this is really it. On paper, we seem like we’d be perfect together, we have similar interests, values, lifestyles and goals. We don’t have any big issues, but we seem to bicker all the time about the small stuff. I’m at a place in my life of being ready to get married, and I can’t do this back and forth with him anymore. I need to make a decision to go all in or get out for good. Can you help me figure out how to choose?

Signed, Should I Stay?

Women just want to be friends with me

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I don’t understand women. I’m in my late 30’s, have a stable job and have great friends. I think I’m decent looking, am active, and take care of myself. I don’t understand why I’m still single. I’ve met a few really great women over the last year, but haven’t been able to keep a relationship with any of them. I feel like I try to be a really great partner. I’m always thinking about what my girlfriend might need and putting in the effort to let them know I care. But inevitably, after a few months, they say they think we should just be friends. Do I have to start being more of a jerk to keep a girlfriend?

Signed, Nice Guy Finishing Last

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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