Dear Lori and Jeff,

I had an affair five years ago during a very turbulent time in my marriage. Through my own work, I have come to understand my insecurities and protective patterns that lead me to transgress. I have owned my mistake, and in my mind have paid my penance. I’ve continuously made efforts to prioritize my husband and put his needs first to prove my commitment, but he refuses to forgive me and move on. We have kids and manage day to day life well together and our connection feels positive when we’re following his lead, whether that’s accommodating his schedule or vacationing to the destination he chooses. But it feels like every time I try to assert my needs and wants, he reminds me of how much he has had to suffer because of my affair. What do I have to do to be on even ground again?

Signed, Stuck In Purgatory

InfidelityLori KretAugust 25, 2022Aspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage therapy, couples counseling, relationship advice, Staying together after affair, healing after an affair, saving marriage after affair, forgive affairComment

How to reconnect and rebuild after an affair

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband and I have been through several significant rough patches in our 16 years of marriage. A year ago I learned he was newly involved in an affair. While it was a shock, I also recognize there were ways in which I hadn’t been showing up in the marriage. He cut off communication with the other woman and we agreed we wanted to stay together. However, we can’t seem to really reconnect. We care about each other and work well logistically in managing our home and the kids, but it always feels like we’re on eggshells. We just want to get back to where we were before the affair. How do we get back there.

Signed, Get It Back