Can we separate but stay in the same home?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband and I have consistently struggled to resolve our marital issues and have been discussing divorce for the last six months. We’ve avoided taking any steps to initiate it in large part because of the exorbitant costs of having separate households. We have two kids in elementary school and both work full time, so the financial strain of separation would significantly impact our lives. Because we don’t have an easy way through, I’ve started to wonder if we just need to make it work. Despite the romantic disconnect and frequent bickering, we do work really well at navigating the day-to-day responsibilities. Regardless of our marriage’s future, we’ve both expressed wanting to stay in our current home and neither wants to have to move. Could it be possible to live under the same roof but have separate lives?

Signed, Housing Hamstrung

How to know when it's time to divorce

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My husband and I have been together for 16 years and have been struggling beyond what I would call a normal slump. It feels as though we’re constantly walking on eggshells with each other and only ever talk about our daughter or what needs to be done for the week. It would be easy to blame our problems on COVID and both working from home, but these issues were brewing for years before. I know we both have love for each other, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a husband who feels like a roommate. We’ve both expressed being unhappy at various times but nothing has changed. How do we know when it’s time to move on?

Signed, Raise The White Flag?

How to know if a relationship is moving too fast

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I'm struggling with letting my guard down in my current relationship. We were both recently separated from our spouses when we met, and he moved in with me very quickly during the first COVID lockdown. Both of our marriages were unhealthy, and I moved quickly to file for divorce. My partner, however, has a son who has been very open about his disapproval of his dad’s choice to leave the marriage. My partner says he is fully committed to me and has proposed, but is afraid that filing for divorce now will sever his relationship with his son. I also know that he’s in regular contact with his wife, and that she still wants to make the marriage work. I feel so insecure right now and keep asking him to finalize his divorce. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Signed, Insecurely In Love

Avoiding dating because afraid of making the same mistakes

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I quickly fell in love with my college sweetheart and we married right after we graduated. The marriage slowly deteriorated and we hung on for much longer than we should have. We finally ended things and I’m now a year out from the divorce. I feel like I’m ready to meet someone and have been dating for the last few months, but I’m so overwhelmed. I’m afraid if I connect with anyone I’ll fall too fast and make the same mistake again. So after a few dates I’m finding myself pulling away or coming up with excuses to cut it off. I really do want a relationship, but won’t let myself get attached. Please help.

Signed, Once Bitten

I Stay Because I'm Afraid Of Being Alone

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I'm a middle-aged woman with two adult children. I've been unhappy in my marriage for many years. I told myself I would stay in it for the sake of our kids, but they're grown now. My husband works hard to provide, but he's very disconnected. Over the years, he has become increasingly more absent, and when I try to talk to him about it, he turns it around on me saying I want too much, and he is who he is. My friends are tired of my complaining and say I should move on. But I'm afraid of being lonely, of failing to provide for myself, and of not ever finding someone else. How do I get past the fear and do what I know is really best for me?

Signed, Afraid of Going Solo

What Makes Aspen The Divorce Capital of Colorado?

A recent 24/7 Wall St. review of Census Bureau data identified the city in each state with the highest percentage of divorces. Aspen took the title of the highest in Colorado, with a divorce rate almost twice the state average. Aspen was also reported as having the sixth highest divorce rate in the entire US.

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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