Blindsided

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I have been married for six years and she recently told me she was seriously thinking about ending the relationship because I was not meeting her emotional needs. I have been trying to figure out what I did wrong as I thought our marriage was going fairly well. We definitely have our moments when we fight and don’t talk to each other for a few days but we always seem to make up and move on. I feel totally shocked by the things she’s said recently and have asked her to give me another chance. What else can I do?

Signed, Blindsided

Balancing emotional space in relationships

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband and I have a good marriage overall. My one wish is that we would have more emotional connection. I often find myself sharing important experiences, thoughts and feelings with him and would really love for him to do the same. He has told me he thinks I’m too emotional in general, but especially when we’re arguing. My belief is that he’s not emotional enough. Is there a way to invite more emotion from him, or are we just fundamentally different in this area?

Signed, Needing Emotional Balance

Are you speaking the same ‘Love Language’ or is affection lost in translation?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 years. We’ve periodically talked about getting married but I’ve struggled to make the commitment. We have similar values, interests and life goals, and in general I feel like we’re a good match for life partners. My hesitation is that I just don’t feel loved the way I’d like to. I don’t need to be adored or cherished, just to feel like I’m cared about and appreciated. I often compliment him and make little compromises to try to make his life easier, and just don’t feel that back from him. I believe he cares about me, but not sure if he’s willing to love me to the degree that I’ve been loving him. Sometimes I worry that we’re together because I keep showing up and have made it easy for him to not have to. How do I know?

How do I get my partner to open up?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

Since we've been together, my partner has become increasingly shut down. I'd really like him to be more open, and recently approached him about it. He said he's tried to share his feelings with me in the past, and I've judged him. I don't ever remember doing that, but there have been a few times where I thought he was just making excuses for not doing what he said he would do. I would never want to judge his real feelings. How can I support him in opening up again?

Signed, Feeling Shut Out

I want the relationship to work but he won’t change

Dear Lori and Jeff:

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and I love him more than I've loved anyone else. He's smart, fun and always there for me. The problem is I'm comfortable with my emotions but he's closed off and won't really let me in. I want him realize how lucky he is to have me in his life and open up to me, but I really don't think he'll change.

Signed, Emotionally Lonely

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

Aspen Relationship Institute

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