For great sex, make sure your partner knows what you like and want

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband and I have been together for almost six years and I still love him every bit as much as I did when we got married two years ago. The problem is that I’ve become less and less interested in sex with him as time has gone by. He’s a great guy, stable and responsible and attractive, but I sometimes fantasize about being swept away by some mysterious lover who can better fulfill my needs. I would never risk losing what we have or hurting him by leaving or having an affair but I know something has to change. Help!

Signed, Fifty Shades of Fantasy

How to manage different sexual styles between partners

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years and although we don’t really have any specific problems with our relationship, we do seem to be diverging on what we want in the bedroom. We started out like most new couples, always wanting to be together and having trouble keeping our hands off each other. As time went on, I was hoping to have a deeper, more emotional sexual connection, but he seems to want the opposite—a much more rowdy and physical act. I’m not saying I don’t occasionally enjoy that, but I’d also like our intimacy to include a bit more feeling and tenderness. Is that too much to ask for?

Signed, Wanting More

I don't initiate sex because I don't want to be rejected

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I still have great sex but it’s way less frequent than it was when first met a few years ago. My wife says she wants me to initiate more but I really don’t like feeling rejected when she isn’t in the mood. I try to look for signs from her that show she’s interested as it gets later in the evening. I listen for subtle things she might say, like if she’s tired or stressed. I check out what she’s wearing to bed and whether or not she’s put in her retainer. I know this isn’t a foolproof strategy but I’m at a loss of what else to do.

Signed, Looking For Signs

The Struggle Over Who Initiates Sex

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I struggle with who initiates sex. I used to initiate more often, but over the past six months or so, there have been multiple times when she said she wasn't in the mood. Now I find myself waiting for her to initiate so that we're doing it when she wants. She'd still like for me to initiate but I don't like being rejected so I hold back. She's assured me that nothing is wrong and she's still very attracted to me, but that sometimes she just doesn't feel like having sex. Neither of us are initiating much anymore, and our sex life seems to be in a slump. What should I do?

Signed, Initiation Hesitation

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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