Husband doesn't support my career dreams

Dear Jeff and Lori,

Shortly after we married, my husband decided he wanted to change careers and I supported him in going back to school. It was a real struggle for me to be the primary earner, manage our home and care for our newborn. We made it through and are now able to afford a comfortable lifestyle on his income. I have always wanted to be an artist and now that we have the security, I’d like to go back to school myself. My husband has been supportive of my painting as a hobby, but he pushes back when I tell him I want to pursue a degree in art. He’s focused on the financial ROI, the costs of having to find childcare and that he doesn’t want any more responsibility at home. I’m becoming more resentful by the day. How do we get through this?

Signed, Artist In Waiting

Struggling with partner's fading career dreams

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend is incredibly smart and studied hospitality in college. When we met 4 years ago, his dream was to be the GM of a luxury hotel. But in the time we’ve been together, he hasn’t taken any steps towards advancing his career and is still bartending at the same restaurant. He’s been hinting at wanting to get engaged, but I’m struggling to get past his lack of career motivation. I know he’s good at his job and makes good money, and I understand that going back to school can seem overwhelming, but he sold himself as wanting to become a powerful agent in his industry. Now he just complains everyday about the long hours on his feet and the rude customers he had to serve. I’m not sure I want to commit my life to this, but I do love every other aspect of him. What should I do?

Signed, Wanting Him to Aspire

Struggling to be a husband and pro athlete

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I am a professional athlete somewhere in the middle of the life of my career. I've hit a bit of plateau and think that some of the struggle to raise my game has to do with my marriage. When my wife and I met, I tried to make it clear that my career as an athlete was extremely demanding of my time, energy and attention. She seemed to understand and jumped in with both feet in a support role, as my salary was just enough so that she didn't have to work full-time. For the first few years everything seemed to go well. But now we have two kids and I don't feel the same kind of support from my wife as I once did. I even sense some resentment coming from her when I'm away for longer periods of time at training camps and events. How do I keep both my marriage and career a success?

Signed, Not in the Zone

How can I get my husband to reach higher?

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My husband and I met in college. I was always a little more career driven than he was, but we were young, and I thought he’d grow into himself more as we got older. His family is wealthy and he has never had to worry about money. We both enjoy a lifestyle with a little luxury and moved to Aspen a few years ago. I have a great job that pays well, but is also demanding, and he works odd jobs that he really enjoys. I would like to be able to work a little less and not feel the pressure of being the financial provider, but he isn’t motivated to increase his income. Instead he relies on the safety net of his parents, which he accesses in times of need. I want to share this great life with him, but am tired of having to foot the bill. How can I get him to reach a higher potential?

Sincerely, Overextended

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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