Husband's work travel creating more conflict

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband travels often for business, which in itself is not an issue. He loves his work, and I enjoy having my independence while he’s gone. Where we struggle is the adjustment period each time he comes back home. For several days we seem like oil and water before we find our groove. Once we’re back in sync our relationship is great, but these good periods are too fleeting because the next flight is always just around the corner. I’m sad that we waste so much time being short with each other. How can we reconnect more quickly to enjoy more of our time together?

Signed, Up in the Air

Communication, ConnectionLori KretJuly 27, 2020Aspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, relationship advice, marriage advice blog, relationship blog, relationship advice blog, long distance relationship, spouse travels a lot, conflict with husband when he comes home from travelComment

When to end an on-again-off-again relationship

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I’m in my late 20’s and have been with my partner for 4 years. Twice in the last year we’ve broken up and gotten back together. Each time we decide to try again, it’s good for a few months, then one or both of us starts to question if this is really it. On paper, we seem like we’d be perfect together, we have similar interests, values, lifestyles and goals. We don’t have any big issues, but we seem to bicker all the time about the small stuff. I’m at a place in my life of being ready to get married, and I can’t do this back and forth with him anymore. I need to make a decision to go all in or get out for good. Can you help me figure out how to choose?

Signed, Should I Stay?

Dating, Break-upsLori KretMarch 2, 2020Aspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, relationship counseling, couples counseling, relationship advice, dating advice blog, should I end my relaitonship, dating coach, on again off again relationship, commit or break upComment

Wife spends too much on kids Christmas presents

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I have two kids. We regularly talk about parenting, and usually discuss how we’re going to handle upcoming situations, which is why I’m now completely at a loss for how to manage the current fight we’re having. My wife and I agreed in early November that we were going to buy a modest amount of useful and thoughtful presents for our kids this year. I believe the focus on the holidays should be more about family and gratitude than gifts. My wife said she agreed. I just recently learned that my wife went crazy buying clothes, toys and electronics for them. When I asked her to return some of the items, she said our children are good kids and deserve to be spoiled every now and then, and we have the money to do it. Her arguments are valid, but not to the point. I’m so frustrated with her. How do we resolve this so it doesn’t ruin Christmas?

Signed, Who’s the Grinch?

Communication, Finances, HolidayLori KretDecember 28, 2019Aspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, couples counseling, relationship advice, marriage holiday stress, arguing with spouse about gifts for kids, spouse spoils our kids, fighting with spouse during holiday, how to talk about money with spouse, money problems in marriageComment

I don't initiate sex because I don't want to be rejected

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I still have great sex but it’s way less frequent than it was when first met a few years ago. My wife says she wants me to initiate more but I really don’t like feeling rejected when she isn’t in the mood. I try to look for signs from her that show she’s interested as it gets later in the evening. I listen for subtle things she might say, like if she’s tired or stressed. I check out what she’s wearing to bed and whether or not she’s put in her retainer. I know this isn’t a foolproof strategy but I’m at a loss of what else to do.

Signed, Looking For Signs

Sex and IntimacyLori KretDecember 17, 2019Aspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, marriage therapy, relationship counseling, relationship coaching, couples counseling, relationship advice, initiate sex, don't want to be rejected in bed, have better sex, have more sex in marriage, how to talk about sexComment

I want my husband to take me

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband is a really amazing, kind, caring, and respectful man. He’s always been a little shy in the bedroom, and reluctant to initiate out of concern that I might not be interested. I’ve told him before, many times, that it turns me on when he makes a strong move, but I still am the one who has to get things going most of the time. He often compliments me and tells me how attractive I am to him, but I do miss the feeling of being wanted in that primal, lustful way. How can I empower him to be more assertive?

Signed, Wanting Him To Want Me

Sex and IntimacyLori KretNovember 18, 2019Aspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, relationship coaching, couples counseling, couples coaching, relationship advice, I want my husband to take me, husband timid in bedroom, husband insecure in bedroom, want to feel wanted by spouse, husband shy in bedroom, want husband to initiate sex, initiate sex in marriage, want spouse to be more assertive in bedComment

When sex life becomes routine, create new experiences with same playbook

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My girlfriend and I have been together for about three years and we’re in a rut. I still think she’s very attractive and she says the same about me. The problem is that our sex life has become too routine. We seem to just be going through the motions in a predictable sequence. We’re not looking for new ways to do it but it seems like we’ve done everything we want to do.

Sincerely, In A Rut

Sex and IntimacyLori KretAugust 22, 2019Aspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, relationship counseling, couples counseling, relationship advice, intimacy coach, sex with partner is boring, intimacy problems, sexually unsatisfied, sex rutComment

Not sure I'm ready for kids, but feeling pressured to be.

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My wife and I are in our early 30s and everyone thinks we should be working on getting pregnant except for me. Our parents are constantly bringing up how much they want grandbabies, and starting to scare my wife about “waiting too long.” She has recently said she’s ready to start trying, but as much as I love her, I’m not sure she’s ready to be a mom. She loves her freedom of coming and going, staying out at night and sleeping in late, and hates doing housework. I’m worried if we have a kid, all the responsibility will fall on me. She says she’ll change when we get pregnant, but I’m not so sure. How do I get everyone to slow down?

Signed, Not Ready to be a Dad