I Stay Because I'm Afraid Of Being Alone

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I'm a middle-aged woman with two adult children. I've been unhappy in my marriage for many years. I told myself I would stay in it for the sake of our kids, but they're grown now. My husband works hard to provide, but he's very disconnected. Over the years, he has become increasingly more absent, and when I try to talk to him about it, he turns it around on me saying I want too much, and he is who he is. My friends are tired of my complaining and say I should move on. But I'm afraid of being lonely, of failing to provide for myself, and of not ever finding someone else. How do I get past the fear and do what I know is really best for me?

Signed, Afraid of Going Solo

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Are We Ready For Marriage?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My fiance and I are getting married in October and have been struggling over some basic relationship issues in the past few months. Things like money and household responsibilities that have been workable in the past have become sticking points between us as we get closer to tying the knot. I'm feeling more stressed and increasingly worried about going through with the marriage, but she keeps reassuring me it will be better once the wedding is over. How do I know if this is just pre-wedding jitters or a bigger problem?

Signed, Getting Cold Feet

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I can't stop stalking my ex on social media

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I think I'm losing it. I was in a two-year relationship that ended mutually about nine months ago. Even though we both decided it was best to move on, we thought we could try to be friends. For the first few months it was awkward, and then we just started drifting apart. It's been over a month since we've talked or seen each other. Part of me feels like it would be best to let this disconnection happen naturally and really move on. The problem is I can't stop checking his social media. I feel like I'm going crazy. I've stopped following him, but am still connected to his friends and family. Every time I see something in their feeds about him, I have the automatic reaction to go to his pages, and then I start going through every one of his posts and pictures. Help! How do I really let go?

Signed, Instagram Stalker

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Catching A Unicorn: Is she out of my league?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I recently met a woman who may be the "one." She is kind, beautiful and independent with a promising career. The only problem is I'm starting to think she's too good for me. I'm worried she'll eventually realize she can do better and want to move on. I find myself increasingly on edge, constantly trying to analyze what she's thinking and where I stand — things I've never really done before. How do I navigate this situation and not lose the woman of my dreams?

Signed, Maybe Not Enough

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How to manage in-laws' golden handcuffs

Dear Lori and Jeff,

When I met my wife five years ago, I had no idea of her financial status. I knew that her parents had a nice home and spent a lot of time traveling but she lived frugally and worked hard. When we got married, I learned about the extent of her family's substantial resources. Admittedly, they have been very generous—helping us with the down payment on our house, taking us on family vacations and starting college funds for our kids. The issue is that they’ve increasingly put pressure on us to raise the kids in specific ways, build our schedules and vacations around their needs, and spend money according to their values.  We, and my wife in particular, have been struggling to say no because of everything they continue to give us.

Signed, Locked In Golden Handcuffs

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Why are relationships so hard?

In the past few months, we've received several questions about why relationships are so hard.

It would be convenient to simply say that men are from Mars and women are Venus and the differences in our modes of operation and emotional needs create all of the challenges in relationships. While these gender differences do play a part in the struggle, we've found that same-sex relationships are just as challenging, even with both partners being from the same planet. Our beliefs around why relationships are so hard have more to do with a couple's ability and motivation to adapt to the many transitions that occur during the evolution of most relationships.

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Getting in the mood is about more than sex

Dear Lori and Jeff,

When my husband and I first met, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Just a simple look from him would make me want to jump him. Fast forward two years, and I just don't have the same interest in sex anymore. We still have a "good" sex life, but I'm rarely in the mood to initiate. Usually he has to get things going. I don't understand, because I'm still incredibly attracted to my guy. He's handsome, funny and smart, and no one else even comes close to sparking my interest. I'm still young, and want to have passion in my relationship, but it feels like something just turned off. Help!

Signed, Not in the Mood

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Hating Dating

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I was in a relationship for longer than I should have been — mostly because I was dreading the idea of dating. When I first became single again, there was definitely a part of me that was excited by the idea of having the opportunity to meet attractive, single women. But actually having to date has been really frustrating and disappointing. I hate the idea of having to sell myself, and dating apps and sites seem so superficial and fake. I'm also past the bar-hopping phase in my life and am not looking for drunken one-night stands. I want a relationship. I've worked hard to establish a good life with a job I love, and am ready to share my passions and adventures with someone special. Where do I start?

Signed, Hating Dating

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I want the relationship to work but he won’t change

Dear Lori and Jeff:

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and I love him more than I've loved anyone else. He's smart, fun and always there for me. The problem is I'm comfortable with my emotions but he's closed off and won't really let me in. I want him realize how lucky he is to have me in his life and open up to me, but I really don't think he'll change. 

Signed, Emotionally Lonely

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Are you an ‘anxious attacher’ in your relationship? Here's how you can tell.

Dear Lori and Jeff,

About a year ago, I was set up with the perfect guy—he was attractive, successful and kind. We  immediately had a strong connection. Then, after a few passionate months, I started worrying the spark was fading. He said he was falling for me, and couldn’t understand where I was coming from when I told him my concerns. I kept trying to find ways to bring the energy back, but he said it felt like I was trying to pick fights with him. I was wanting reassurance that he cared as much as I did, but instead he broke up with me. My friends say I have a pattern of sabotaging relationships with great guys. I think they may be right. What am I doing wrong?

Signed, Single and Confused.

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How to Manage Resentment Over Wife for Not Working

My wife and I have been married for over 10 years and we have two kids. Things had been going well, for the most part, up until a few years ago. We’d previously agreed for my wife to stay home with the kids until they were both in school. However, for the first 2 years after the youngest started, my wife continued staying home.

Signed, Struggling To Move Forward

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What Makes Aspen The Divorce Capital of Colorado?

A recent 24/7 Wall St. review of Census Bureau data identified the city in each state with the highest percentage of divorces. Aspen took the title of the highest in Colorado, with a divorce rate almost twice the state average. Aspen was also reported as having the sixth highest divorce rate in the entire US.

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Valentine's Edition: How To Keep Passion and Connection Alive in Your Relationship

Last month, with the start of the new year, we offered a few tips and tools to strengthen the fabric of your relationship. As Valentine’s Day approaches, we invite you to enhance your bond by playing with passion. 

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What To Do When Husband Still Talks To His Ex

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My husband continues to see an old girlfriend from time to time. I’ve told him it bothers me, but he says it’s my insecurities and I have nothing to worry about. I don’t understand why he keeps in contact with her. He thinks I’m being unreasonable. Who’s right?

Signed, Frustrated Wife

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How To Set New Boundaries In Your MIL-DIL Relationship

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My husband and I recently moved to the valley with our young child.  We used to live near my mother-in-law and she was very supportive and engaged with us. Since we moved, her expectations of how much she should be able to visit and call are becoming overwhelming. My husband agrees, but isn't willing to set boundaries with her. He says he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings and I think he’s avoiding conflict with her. When I set boundaries with her, she complains to my husband about me. My husband and I rarely fought before this situation, but now we’re in a constant battle. How do I convince him to stand up to her?

Sincerely, Desperate Daughter-In-Law

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How to Navigate Politics at Holiday Gatherings

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I get along great with my husband’s parents. We often go to their home for the holidays because they live closer than my family. This year his sister is also coming, and she and I always end up arguing. We have very different political views and she is outspoken and unrelenting about hers. My husband says I always put him in the middle, and this year he’s asked me to manage it on my own. How do I do that when she’s constantly provoking me? The holidays are a special time for my husband and me, so I want to try to make it as enjoyable as possible.

Signed, Struggling Sister-in-law

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My Husband Promised He'll Stop Partying, How Long Do I Wait?

Dear Jeff and Lori,

When my husband and I met we both liked to party. Before we got married, we agreed we wanted to have kids and eventually buy a home.  Over the last year, I’ve gotten serious about creating a healthier lifestyle, and about preparing to be a mom. He continues to go out almost every night and doesn’t seem to be planning much for our future. When I talk to him about it, he minimizes how much he goes out, and how much he drinks. He says he wants to enjoy the time he has now before being a dad, and will change when we get pregnant. Should I trust he’ll be able to change when that time comes?

Signed, Ready For The Next Chapter

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How Can I Create a More Fulfilling Sex Life With My Partner?

Dear Jeff and Lori

My wife and I have been together for six years. I was open with her from the beginning about my high sex drive and specific interests, and was hoping over time she would come around and open up more sexually.  When we have sex, it’s good and she has, from time to time, been open to trying new things.  But it’s still not really what I want it to be.  I’m starting to realize it bothers me more than I thought it would.  I love her and don’t want to mess up the marriage by saying the wrong thing, but she’s noticing that something’s up.  What should I do?   

Signed, Wanting More

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The Impact of Relationships on Community: An Interview with Aspen Public Radio

Relationships are hard work, but Lori Kret and Jeff Cole believe that work is one of the most important things people can do. They are both licensed psychotherapists and board certified coaches. Together, they began Aspen Relationship Institute. On Aspen Public Radio’s Cross Currents, Jeff and Lori discuss the unique challenges that face couples in Aspen. They say healthy relationships are critical because of the “ripple effect” they have on the rest of the community.

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