Posts tagged relationship advice
My recent ex is now sleeping with my frenemy
My recent ex is now sleeping with my frenemy

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My ex and I were together for two years. We ended it three weeks ago on good terms, both of us acknowledging that we weren’t ready for the next step toward marriage. We decided to try to maintain a friendship because we share a social circle, and we genuinely still like each other as people. But now I’m struggling because I learned that a week after we broke up he started sleeping with someone I know. She’s part of our group of friends but truthfully I’ve never really liked her. She tends to take little digs at me but plays it off as just joking. I can’t believe that of all people, my ex has to be with her, and so soon after we broke up. I know I can’t make him stop, so can you please help me figure out how to deal with being around them.

Signed, Mean Girl Got My Guy

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Break-ups, ExesLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship counseling, relationship coaching, relationship advice, relationship advice blog, dating advice blog, ex moved on, ex-boyfriend dating, not over ex, missing my ex, ex slept with my frenemy, ex is dating an acquaintanceComment
Nuptials on pause for pandemic? Take the time to ask hard questions
Nuptials on pause for pandemic? Take the time to ask hard questions

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My fiancé and I had decided to get married this summer but because of the pandemic, we’ve been forced to postpone the wedding. The process of rescheduling has been frustrating but manageable. However, now with the delay, my fiancé has gotten cold feet. He said maybe this was a sign that we weren’t “supposed” to get married. It seems like he’s just looking for a way out. What should I do?

Signed, COVID’s Ruining My Wedding

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Pre-maritalLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship counseling, couples counseling, couples coaching, premarital counseling, premarital coaching, relationship advice, relationship advice blog, covid engagement, postponed wedding covid, Covid dating, cold feet, wedding postponed, reschedule weddingComment
Husband's work travel creating more conflict
Husband's work travel creating more conflict

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband travels often for business, which in itself is not an issue. He loves his work, and I enjoy having my independence while he’s gone. Where we struggle is the adjustment period each time he comes back home. For several days we seem like oil and water before we find our groove. Once we’re back in sync our relationship is great, but these good periods are too fleeting because the next flight is always just around the corner. I’m sad that we waste so much time being short with each other. How can we reconnect more quickly to enjoy more of our time together?

Signed, Up in the Air

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Communication, ConnectionLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, relationship advice, marriage advice blog, relationship blog, relationship advice blog, long distance relationship, spouse travels a lot, conflict with husband when he comes home from travelComment
Boyfriend pursued me then stopped putting in any effort
Boyfriend pursued me then stopped putting in any effort

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend and I met a year ago through mutual friends. I wasn’t interested in dating anyone at the time, but he put an incredible amount of effort into convincing me to give him a chance. He sent me cute little gifts, surprised me at work with lunch, and talked about the places he’d like to take me. I caved and eventually agreed to date him. The first few months together were exactly what he promised; romantic dates, thoughtful surprises, and fun adventures. The energy he was putting into us really inspired me to bring my best self as well. But after I became invested in the relationship things started to shift. He gradually got less romantic, and now the tables have turned so I’m the one that is always having to plan things. For months he hasn’t been the romantic guy he sold himself as. What do I do?

Signed, He’s Phoning It In

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DatingLori KretAspen Relationship Institutecouples counseling, relationship advice, dating advice blog, dating coachComment
Wife keeps rehashing the past and won't let it go
Wife keeps rehashing the past and won't let it go

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife of two years and I seem to have very different ways of dealing with conflicts in our marriage. I am able to get over things pretty quickly and move on but my wife seems to hold on and can’t let go. Even when she seems to have moved on, she inevitably brings things back up as ammunition for an argument or conflict we’re having in the present. I’ve told her many times that this kind of behavior doesn't work for me and she promises to work on it but she never does. Any ideas?

Signed, I Wish She’d Get Over It

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CommunicationLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage therapy, couples counseling, relationship advice, wife doesn't fight fair, fighting fair in marriage, wife won't let past go, spouse brings up past in every argument, communication tools, marriage conflict, better communication in marriageComment
Don’t jump into cohabitating because of COVID
Don’t jump into cohabitating because of COVID

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I have three roommates and my girlfriend has her own place. Before the pandemic, we’d never really talked about moving in together, but I spent most nights at her condo. When the stay at home orders hit, we decided it would be best if I temporarily moved in with her. We’ve gotten along great, and I’ve been hinting that maybe we should make this a permanent arrangement. But she says she wants to be more thoughtful about making such a big decision, rather than just falling into it. What’s a healthy process for deciding if we should take this next step in our relationship?

Sincerely, Ready to Move In

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DatingLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship counseling, relationship coaching, couples counseling, couples coaching, relationship advice, dating advice blog, cohabitating during covid, moving in with girlfriend, deciding to live togetherComment
Surviving Time In Quarantine Together
Surviving Time In Quarantine Together

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My husband and I truly do love and respect each other, but I worry about being isolated together for weeks on end. We’re both very independent and invested in our careers, but as of now our work is fairly limited and we have an abundance of time on our hands together. The first week went well, treating it as a mini vacation to relax together, but already I can tell we’re starting to grate on one another. Can you give us some tips for how our relationship can stay strong through this?

Signed, Qualms in Quarantine

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Boundaries, ConnectionLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, couples coaching, relationship advice, marriage stress during COVID, marriage in quarantine, spend too much time togetherComment
Tips for staying connected during stressful times
Tips for staying connected during stressful times

Dear Readers, We don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that, for most of us, life today is not the same as it was a few weeks ago. There is, without a doubt, more uncertainty, more stress and more confusion. The recent disruptions have led to greater feelings of anxiety and fear. Whether it’s concern for your health and the health of your loved ones, your financial well-being or even whether you’ll have enough toilet paper to make it through the next few weeks, we’ve all had our normal lives turned upside down and inside out.

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ConnectionLori Kretmarriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, relationship advice, tips to manage stress, Keep relationship healthy during COVID, connecting during stressful times, emotional intimacy stressComment
Spouse constantly lies to me
Spouse constantly lies to me

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I often catch my wife lying about small things and it’s driving me crazy. I believe that she’s faithful, but can’t understand why she won’t be honest about why she’s often late or why she didn’t do the errands she said she would do. I know she doesn’t plan her days well, and this is a major issue in our marriage. She always tries to squeeze in time to do things for herself, but then she never admits it. The fact that she doesn’t get stuff done is frustrating enough, but lying about why she falls short is pushing me over the edge. How can I get her to tell the truth so that this marriage can last?

Signed, Truth Seeker

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Communication, ConnectionLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship coaching, couples counseling, relationship advice, spouse lies, spouse isn't honest, how can I get spouse to tell the truth, want spouse to be more honest, why partners lie, why people lie, how to be more honestComment
When to end an on-again-off-again relationship
When to end an on-again-off-again relationship

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I’m in my late 20’s and have been with my partner for 4 years. Twice in the last year we’ve broken up and gotten back together. Each time we decide to try again, it’s good for a few months, then one or both of us starts to question if this is really it. On paper, we seem like we’d be perfect together, we have similar interests, values, lifestyles and goals. We don’t have any big issues, but we seem to bicker all the time about the small stuff. I’m at a place in my life of being ready to get married, and I can’t do this back and forth with him anymore. I need to make a decision to go all in or get out for good. Can you help me figure out how to choose?

Signed, Should I Stay?

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Dating, Break-upsLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, relationship counseling, couples counseling, relationship advice, dating advice blog, should I end my relaitonship, dating coach, on again off again relationship, commit or break upComment
How to manage different sexual styles between partners
How to manage different sexual styles between partners

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years and although we don’t really have any specific problems with our relationship, we do seem to be diverging on what we want in the bedroom. We started out like most new couples, always wanting to be together and having trouble keeping our hands off each other. As time went on, I was hoping to have a deeper, more emotional sexual connection, but he seems to want the opposite—a much more rowdy and physical act. I’m not saying I don’t occasionally enjoy that, but I’d also like our intimacy to include a bit more feeling and tenderness. Is that too much to ask for?

Signed, Wanting More

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Dating, Sex and IntimacyLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship counseling, relationship coaching, relationship advice, couples counseling, sexual styles, tones of sex, partner wants different things in bedroom, manage sexual differences in relaitonship, how to have better sex, how to talk about sex, want different sexualComment
Is conflict with fiancé's kids a dealbreaker?
Is conflict with fiancé's kids a dealbreaker?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I’ve recently gotten engaged to the love of my life and can’t wait to officially begin a new life with him. There is one issue that’s giving me cold feet—the two boys from his previous marriage. I’ve tried so hard to have them accept me, not as a replacement for their mother, but as someone who’s important to their dad. No matter what I do, they are rude and sarcastic to me and make me feel like I have no business being part of their family. I am kind, supportive, forgiving and understanding but I get none of that in return. My fiancée understands what I’m going through but is reluctant to step in and defend me when it’s obvious they’ve crossed the line. Is this a big enough reason to put off the wedding or should I keep trying to integrate into their lives?

Signed, Cold Feet

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Boundaries, Parenting, Pre-maritalLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, premarital counseling, relationship advice, fiance's kids are rude, blended family, fiance's kids don't like me, conflict with fiance's kids, marrying someone with children, becoming a step-parent, step-children are awefulComment
New Year healthy relationship guide
New Year healthy relationship guide

Dear Friends, 

Welcome to 2020! The beginning of a new year offers a wonderful opportunity to reflect on who you are in your relationship today, and how you’ve come to be here. Every relationship cycles through periods of tension, resolution, flow and stagnation. Though many partners have an appreciation for the times of ease and steadiness, it’s the experience of evolving that keeps most of us feeling fulfilled in our relationships.

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Connection, HolidayLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship coaching, couples counseling, relationship advice, premarital counseling, new year relationship resolution, new year marriage advice, how to assess relationship, what is a healthy relaitonship, how to have a good relationship, is my relationship healthyComment
Wife spends too much on kids Christmas presents
Wife spends too much on kids Christmas presents

Dear Lori and Jeff, 

My wife and I have two kids. We regularly talk about parenting, and usually discuss how we’re going to handle upcoming situations, which is why I’m now completely at a loss for how to manage the current fight we’re having. My wife and I agreed in early November that we were going to buy a modest amount of useful and thoughtful presents for our kids this year. I believe the focus on the holidays should be more about family and gratitude than gifts. My wife said she agreed. I just recently learned that my wife went crazy buying clothes, toys and electronics for them. When I asked her to return some of the items, she said our children are good kids and deserve to be spoiled every now and then, and we have the money to do it. Her arguments are valid, but not to the point. I’m so frustrated with her. How do we resolve this so it doesn’t ruin Christmas? 

Signed, Who’s the Grinch?

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Communication, Finances, HolidayLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, couples counseling, relationship advice, marriage holiday stress, arguing with spouse about gifts for kids, spouse spoils our kids, fighting with spouse during holiday, how to talk about money with spouse, money problems in marriageComment
I don't initiate sex because I don't want to be rejected
I don't initiate sex because I don't want to be rejected

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I still have great sex but it’s way less frequent than it was when first met a few years ago. My wife says she wants me to initiate more but I really don’t like feeling rejected when she isn’t in the mood. I try to look for signs from her that show she’s interested as it gets later in the evening. I listen for subtle things she might say, like if she’s tired or stressed. I check out what she’s wearing to bed and whether or not she’s put in her retainer. I know this isn’t a foolproof strategy but I’m at a loss of what else to do.

Signed, Looking For Signs

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Sex and IntimacyLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, marriage therapy, relationship counseling, relationship coaching, couples counseling, relationship advice, initiate sex, don't want to be rejected in bed, have better sex, have more sex in marriage, how to talk about sexComment
Manage the stress of visiting in-laws during the holiday
Manage the stress of visiting in-laws during the holiday

Dear Lori and Jeff,

Thanksgiving is coming up soon and I’m feeling really stressed. I’ve recently gotten engaged, and can’t wait to get married. But I am at my wits’ end with trying to figure out how to have a positive relationship with my future mother-in-law. She constantly compares me to my fiancé’s ex-wife, whom she adores, and still has a relationship with. It seems every time I’m in the same room as her she makes backhanded comments to and about me. He reassures me how much he loves me and that his mom just needs time to get to know me, but the more I’m around her, the less I want a relationship with her. He has a really close family, and it’s important to him that I make an effort. Help!

Signed, Future MIL Hates Me

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In-LawsLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, premarital counseling, relationship advice, holiday with in-laws, conflict with in-laws, MIL-DIL, MIL-DIL relationship, fiance's family doesn't accept me, future MIL doesn't like meComment
I want my husband to take me
I want my husband to take me

Dear Lori and Jeff, 

My husband is a really amazing, kind, caring, and respectful man. He’s always been a little shy in the bedroom, and reluctant to initiate out of concern that I might not be interested. I’ve told him before, many times, that it turns me on when he makes a strong move, but I still am the one who has to get things going most of the time. He often compliments me and tells me how attractive I am to him, but I do miss the feeling of being wanted in that primal, lustful way. How can I empower him to be more assertive?

Signed, Wanting Him To Want Me

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Sex and IntimacyLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, relationship coaching, couples counseling, couples coaching, relationship advice, I want my husband to take me, husband timid in bedroom, husband insecure in bedroom, want to feel wanted by spouse, husband shy in bedroom, want husband to initiate sex, initiate sex in marriage, want spouse to be more assertive in bedComment
Women just want to be friends with me
Women just want to be friends with me

Dear Lori and Jeff, 

I don’t understand women. I’m in my late 30’s, have a stable job and have great friends. I think I’m decent looking, am active, and take care of myself. I don’t understand why I’m still single. I’ve met a few really great women over the last year, but haven’t been able to keep a relationship with any of them. I feel like I try to be a really great partner. I’m always thinking about what my girlfriend might need and putting in the effort to let them know I care. But inevitably, after a few months, they say they think we should just be friends. Do I have to start being more of a jerk to keep a girlfriend?

Signed, Nice Guy Finishing Last 

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DatingLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship advice, dating advice blog, dating coach, friend zone, women aren't interested in me, women just want to be friends, get women to date me, women don't like nice guys, nice guy can't get dateComment
'Not Right Now' Really Means Not Anytime Ever
'Not Right Now' Really Means Not Anytime Ever

Dear Jeff and Lori, 

I’ve been dating a guy on and off for almost a year. I’m ready for a committed relationship, but every time I bring up being exclusive, he tells me it’s just not the right time. I love him and he says he cares about me. I’m always the person he comes to and confides in when he’s having a hard time, so I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to take our relationship to the next level. He keeps saying his life is too busy right now and he’s always got something going on that makes it difficult for us to spend time together. How do I get him past his resistance to commitment? 

Signed, Tired of Waiting

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DatingLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship coaching, relationship advice, dating coaching, dating advice, dating blog, partner not ready for commitment, waiting for boyfriend to commit, waiting for boyfriend to change, how do I get him to commitComment
Relocated for girlfriend and feeling unappreciated
Relocated for girlfriend and feeling unappreciated

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My girlfriend of three years and I recently moved to another state because of her job. Financially it was the right decision and it was also a big step up in her career. It was a big change for both of us. Neither of us know anyone here, and we’ve had to start over completely. With her job, she’s made friends quickly, and seems not to have missed a beat. I moved because I love her, and want to be with her, but I feel like I’m the one making the sacrifices and she doesn’t get it. She stays at work late, and often goes out after with her colleagues. I’m invited, but it’s not really my scene. I’m still trying to find work, and haven’t really found my community here yet. I want her to make me a priority since I just gave up everything for her. How do I get her to understand? 

Signed, Waiting Around

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Boundaries, CommunicationLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship advice, couples counseling, relocated for girlfriend, sacrificed everything for relationship, unappreciated by partner, neglected by partner, resent girlfriendComment