How to manage different sexual styles between partners
How to manage different sexual styles between partners

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years and although we don’t really have any specific problems with our relationship, we do seem to be diverging on what we want in the bedroom. We started out like most new couples, always wanting to be together and having trouble keeping our hands off each other. As time went on, I was hoping to have a deeper, more emotional sexual connection, but he seems to want the opposite—a much more rowdy and physical act. I’m not saying I don’t occasionally enjoy that, but I’d also like our intimacy to include a bit more feeling and tenderness. Is that too much to ask for?

Signed, Wanting More

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Dating, Sex and IntimacyLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship counseling, relationship coaching, relationship advice, couples counseling, sexual styles, tones of sex, partner wants different things in bedroom, manage sexual differences in relaitonship, how to have better sex, how to talk about sex, want different sexualComment
Is conflict with fiancé's kids a dealbreaker?
Is conflict with fiancé's kids a dealbreaker?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I’ve recently gotten engaged to the love of my life and can’t wait to officially begin a new life with him. There is one issue that’s giving me cold feet—the two boys from his previous marriage. I’ve tried so hard to have them accept me, not as a replacement for their mother, but as someone who’s important to their dad. No matter what I do, they are rude and sarcastic to me and make me feel like I have no business being part of their family. I am kind, supportive, forgiving and understanding but I get none of that in return. My fiancée understands what I’m going through but is reluctant to step in and defend me when it’s obvious they’ve crossed the line. Is this a big enough reason to put off the wedding or should I keep trying to integrate into their lives?

Signed, Cold Feet

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Boundaries, Parenting, Pre-maritalLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, premarital counseling, relationship advice, fiance's kids are rude, blended family, fiance's kids don't like me, conflict with fiance's kids, marrying someone with children, becoming a step-parent, step-children are awefulComment
New Year healthy relationship guide
New Year healthy relationship guide

Dear Friends, 

Welcome to 2020! The beginning of a new year offers a wonderful opportunity to reflect on who you are in your relationship today, and how you’ve come to be here. Every relationship cycles through periods of tension, resolution, flow and stagnation. Though many partners have an appreciation for the times of ease and steadiness, it’s the experience of evolving that keeps most of us feeling fulfilled in our relationships.

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Connection, HolidayLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship coaching, couples counseling, relationship advice, premarital counseling, new year relationship resolution, new year marriage advice, how to assess relationship, what is a healthy relaitonship, how to have a good relationship, is my relationship healthyComment
Wife spends too much on kids Christmas presents
Wife spends too much on kids Christmas presents

Dear Lori and Jeff, 

My wife and I have two kids. We regularly talk about parenting, and usually discuss how we’re going to handle upcoming situations, which is why I’m now completely at a loss for how to manage the current fight we’re having. My wife and I agreed in early November that we were going to buy a modest amount of useful and thoughtful presents for our kids this year. I believe the focus on the holidays should be more about family and gratitude than gifts. My wife said she agreed. I just recently learned that my wife went crazy buying clothes, toys and electronics for them. When I asked her to return some of the items, she said our children are good kids and deserve to be spoiled every now and then, and we have the money to do it. Her arguments are valid, but not to the point. I’m so frustrated with her. How do we resolve this so it doesn’t ruin Christmas? 

Signed, Who’s the Grinch?

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Communication, Finances, HolidayLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, couples counseling, relationship advice, marriage holiday stress, arguing with spouse about gifts for kids, spouse spoils our kids, fighting with spouse during holiday, how to talk about money with spouse, money problems in marriageComment
I don't initiate sex because I don't want to be rejected
I don't initiate sex because I don't want to be rejected

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I still have great sex but it’s way less frequent than it was when first met a few years ago. My wife says she wants me to initiate more but I really don’t like feeling rejected when she isn’t in the mood. I try to look for signs from her that show she’s interested as it gets later in the evening. I listen for subtle things she might say, like if she’s tired or stressed. I check out what she’s wearing to bed and whether or not she’s put in her retainer. I know this isn’t a foolproof strategy but I’m at a loss of what else to do.

Signed, Looking For Signs

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Sex and IntimacyLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, marriage therapy, relationship counseling, relationship coaching, couples counseling, relationship advice, initiate sex, don't want to be rejected in bed, have better sex, have more sex in marriage, how to talk about sexComment
Manage the stress of visiting in-laws during the holiday
Manage the stress of visiting in-laws during the holiday

Dear Lori and Jeff,

Thanksgiving is coming up soon and I’m feeling really stressed. I’ve recently gotten engaged, and can’t wait to get married. But I am at my wits’ end with trying to figure out how to have a positive relationship with my future mother-in-law. She constantly compares me to my fiancé’s ex-wife, whom she adores, and still has a relationship with. It seems every time I’m in the same room as her she makes backhanded comments to and about me. He reassures me how much he loves me and that his mom just needs time to get to know me, but the more I’m around her, the less I want a relationship with her. He has a really close family, and it’s important to him that I make an effort. Help!

Signed, Future MIL Hates Me

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In-LawsLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, premarital counseling, relationship advice, holiday with in-laws, conflict with in-laws, MIL-DIL, MIL-DIL relationship, fiance's family doesn't accept me, future MIL doesn't like meComment
I want my husband to take me
I want my husband to take me

Dear Lori and Jeff, 

My husband is a really amazing, kind, caring, and respectful man. He’s always been a little shy in the bedroom, and reluctant to initiate out of concern that I might not be interested. I’ve told him before, many times, that it turns me on when he makes a strong move, but I still am the one who has to get things going most of the time. He often compliments me and tells me how attractive I am to him, but I do miss the feeling of being wanted in that primal, lustful way. How can I empower him to be more assertive?

Signed, Wanting Him To Want Me

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Sex and IntimacyLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, relationship coaching, couples counseling, couples coaching, relationship advice, I want my husband to take me, husband timid in bedroom, husband insecure in bedroom, want to feel wanted by spouse, husband shy in bedroom, want husband to initiate sex, initiate sex in marriage, want spouse to be more assertive in bedComment
Women just want to be friends with me
Women just want to be friends with me

Dear Lori and Jeff, 

I don’t understand women. I’m in my late 30’s, have a stable job and have great friends. I think I’m decent looking, am active, and take care of myself. I don’t understand why I’m still single. I’ve met a few really great women over the last year, but haven’t been able to keep a relationship with any of them. I feel like I try to be a really great partner. I’m always thinking about what my girlfriend might need and putting in the effort to let them know I care. But inevitably, after a few months, they say they think we should just be friends. Do I have to start being more of a jerk to keep a girlfriend?

Signed, Nice Guy Finishing Last 

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DatingLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship advice, dating advice blog, dating coach, friend zone, women aren't interested in me, women just want to be friends, get women to date me, women don't like nice guys, nice guy can't get dateComment
'Not Right Now' Really Means Not Anytime Ever
'Not Right Now' Really Means Not Anytime Ever

Dear Jeff and Lori, 

I’ve been dating a guy on and off for almost a year. I’m ready for a committed relationship, but every time I bring up being exclusive, he tells me it’s just not the right time. I love him and he says he cares about me. I’m always the person he comes to and confides in when he’s having a hard time, so I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to take our relationship to the next level. He keeps saying his life is too busy right now and he’s always got something going on that makes it difficult for us to spend time together. How do I get him past his resistance to commitment? 

Signed, Tired of Waiting

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DatingLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship coaching, relationship advice, dating coaching, dating advice, dating blog, partner not ready for commitment, waiting for boyfriend to commit, waiting for boyfriend to change, how do I get him to commitComment
Relocated for girlfriend and feeling unappreciated
Relocated for girlfriend and feeling unappreciated

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My girlfriend of three years and I recently moved to another state because of her job. Financially it was the right decision and it was also a big step up in her career. It was a big change for both of us. Neither of us know anyone here, and we’ve had to start over completely. With her job, she’s made friends quickly, and seems not to have missed a beat. I moved because I love her, and want to be with her, but I feel like I’m the one making the sacrifices and she doesn’t get it. She stays at work late, and often goes out after with her colleagues. I’m invited, but it’s not really my scene. I’m still trying to find work, and haven’t really found my community here yet. I want her to make me a priority since I just gave up everything for her. How do I get her to understand? 

Signed, Waiting Around

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Boundaries, CommunicationLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship advice, couples counseling, relocated for girlfriend, sacrificed everything for relationship, unappreciated by partner, neglected by partner, resent girlfriendComment
How to handle husband's flirting at work
How to handle husband's flirting at work

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband is a professional bartender at a nice restaurant, makes a good living and, for the most part, really enjoys his job. Several weeks ago I went to pick him up at the restaurant but had to sit at the bar for a while, waiting for him to finish his shift. I noticed one of the cocktail servers being overtly flirtatious with him. She didn’t know I was his wife but she certainly knows he’s married. I don’t think my husband would stray but she’s young and very attractive and seems to be presenting him with an opportunity that leaves me a bit worried. Should I start a discussion about this with my husband or should I let it go, trusting that he’ll do the right thing?

Signed, Worried Wife

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Infidelity, CommunicationLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship coaching, couples counseling, husband is bartender, is husband having affair at work, worried husband will cheat with coworker, husband flirts with coworkerComment
How much time to give boyfriend who's still growing up?
How much time to give boyfriend who's still growing up?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I’ve been dating a really nice guy for a couple of years but I think it may be time for me to move on. When we first met, he was unemployed and smoked a lot of pot, not usually my “type” but he was really fun to hang out with and has an infectious personality. He said he had plans to make big changes in his life and has had some promising opportunities but continuously puts things off or sabotages them, saying it wasn’t the right thing or the right time. He still relies on his parents for money and spends most of his time at my place because his place is a mess. The bottom line is that he’s not taking care of himself or contributing to the growth of our relationship but I can’t seem to break things off.

Signed, Should I Move On?

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Dating, Break-upsLori KretAspen Relationship Institutecouples counseling, couples coaching, relationship advice, dating advice, should i dump him, when to move on, should i give boyfriend more time, when to break up, boyfriend wont grow up, boyfriend smokes pot, boyfriend won't get a jobComment
When sex life becomes routine, create new experiences with same playbook
When sex life becomes routine, create new experiences with same playbook

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My girlfriend and I have been together for about three years and we’re in a rut. I still think she’s very attractive and she says the same about me. The problem is that our sex life has become too routine. We seem to just be going through the motions in a predictable sequence. We’re not looking for new ways to do it but it seems like we’ve done everything we want to do.

Sincerely, In A Rut

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Sex and IntimacyLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, relationship counseling, couples counseling, relationship advice, intimacy coach, sex with partner is boring, intimacy problems, sexually unsatisfied, sex rutComment
Communication problems start when partners try to be right
Communication problems start when partners try to be right

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I have been together for about three years and we still can’t seem to have a discussion about anything important without it ending up in a fight. I feel as though I speak in a calm and neutral way, but she accuses me of being stubborn and aggressive. I am simply stating my side of the issue and believe I’m open to hearing hers, but often don’t think she ever takes into account that I might be right. We’ve gotten to the point where we just don’t talk about anything of substance in fear that it will erupt into an argument. How do we get back on the same page?

Signed, Communication Breakdown

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CommunicationLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, couples coaching, premarital counseling, relationship advice, Communication problems, help communicating, marriage conflict, not communicating well, fighting about everythingComment
How can I understand why my partner cheated
How can I understand why my partner cheated

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband and I have been married for over fifteen years and have three beautiful children. We’ve had our ups and downs over the years but I honestly thought things were going well between us. About three months ago, I found out he had an affair with an ex-girlfriend. He says it’s over now and was a huge mistake and that he still loves me and wants me to forgive him. I do still love him and want to make things work, but I still can’t wrap my head around why he did what he did. Can you help me understand?

Signed, Can’t Move Forward

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InfidelityLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage therapy, relationship counseling, couples counseling, relationship advice, why did my partner cheat, husband had affair, how to move forward after affair, staying together after affair, how to forgive affair, why did my husband cheatComment
Not sure I'm ready for kids, but feeling pressured to be.
Not sure I'm ready for kids, but feeling pressured to be.

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My wife and I are in our early 30s and everyone thinks we should be working on getting pregnant except for me. Our parents are constantly bringing up how much they want grandbabies, and starting to scare my wife about “waiting too long.” She has recently said she’s ready to start trying, but as much as I love her, I’m not sure she’s ready to be a mom. She loves her freedom of coming and going, staying out at night and sleeping in late, and hates doing housework. I’m worried if we have a kid, all the responsibility will fall on me. She says she’ll change when we get pregnant, but I’m not so sure. How do I get everyone to slow down?

Signed, Not Ready to be a Dad

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Parenting, BoundariesLori KretAspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, marriage coaching, couples therapy, not ready for kids, wife isn't ready to be a mom, wife isn't responsible, deciding to have childrenComment
If chemistry is missing, speak up
If chemistry is missing, speak up

Dear Jeff and Lori, 

I’ve been dating a woman for a few months. We met at work and had just been friends for a while before we started dating. I wasn’t that attracted to her physically, but she continued to push for more. As time went on, I began to enjoy her company, and it evolved into a relationship. I’m struggling because at this point, I still don’t feel a real spark, and I find myself attracted to other women. I don’t want to hurt her, but am certain there’s not a long-term future for us. Should I just tell her I’m not ready for a serious relationship?

Signed, Looking for the Right Words

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Dating, Sex and IntimacyLori KretAspen Relationship Instituterelationship advice, Dating advice, don't have chemistry, not physically attracted to girlfriend, no spark with girlfriend, like but not attracted toComment
My girlfriend makes more money than me, should I be worried?
My girlfriend makes more money than me, should I be worried?

Dear Lori and Jeff, 

My girlfriend and I have been together for about six months and everything seems to be going well except for the discrepancy in our incomes. I’m an artist, truly love what I do and make a reasonable living at it. She makes quite a bit more than I do but still supports me in my chosen profession. The challenge is she likes to travel first-class and eat at expensive restaurants and I just don’t have that in my budget. She is very generous and offers to pay when I can’t, but I’m worried that my financial status isn’t going to be attractive enough to her in the long run.

Signed, Don’t Want a Sugar Momma

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FinancesLori KretAspen Relationship Institutecouples counseling, relationship advice, girlfriend makes more money, partner like expensive things, girlfriend has expensive lifestyleComment
Stop dabbling in relationships and commit
Stop dabbling in relationships and commit

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I can’t seem to find the right guy. I’ve dated some really great men but after about six-months, I realize they aren’t the one. Most of my friends are already married and say that I’m too picky but I know what I want and feel as though I should keep looking until I find it. The only problem is that I feel like I’m running out of time. What should I do?

Signed, Possibly Too Picky

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DatingLori KretAspen Relationship Coachingrelationship advice, dating advice blog, too picky dating, can't find the one, how to find a partnerComment
Is she ‘faking’ it? Maybe. But don’t freak out, fellas
Is she ‘faking’ it? Maybe. But don’t freak out, fellas

Dear Lori and Jeff,

 My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years and most things seem to be going well except that I can’t really tell if she still enjoys having sex with me. I’ve tried to ask her if there are any problems or things she would like me to do differently and she sort of shrugs off my questions by saying that everything’s good. I’m worried she’s resigned herself to the fact that it’s just good enough. My biggest concern is that she may be faking her enjoyment of sex with me. Is this something women do?

 Signed, Questioning What’s Real 

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Sex and IntimacyLori KretAspen Relationship Coachingrelationship coaching, relationship advice, is partner faking orgasm, worried girlfriend isn't sexually satisfied, why do some women fake orgasmComment